I want my pre-baby body back.
There. I said it. Feel free to judge me. Then hear me out.
Prior to having Jackson, my husband owned a gym. I taught a dozen classes a week, worked out on my own, and spent more time in the gym than I did at my own house. Weekdays and weekends, mornings and nights. More often than not we were doing multiple workouts a day and spending hours on our feet demonstrating lift after lift after dear-god-if-I-do-one-more-deadlift-my-hamstrings-are-going-to-fall-off lift.
But I loved it. In the three years we owned the gym, I improved with regards to strength, nutrition, and overall health. I fell in love with the wellness industry. I started on my journey toward my Masters in Nutrition, helped women improve their self-esteem, and learned everything I could about coaching. But, most of all, I loved the way I looked.
Call me vain. Call me self-indulged. Call me whatever you want. I loved my body.
My body was strong. I could deadlift over double my body weight and was oh-so-close to my first muscle up.
My body was confident. I had an unhealthy love of crop tops for someone who has a very vivid memory of the 90s and whose age starts with a ‘3’.
My body was mine. It was a direct reflection of my hard work and dedication, both in the gym and at home when it came to my nutrition and overall care.
Of course, things have changed now, for obvious reasons, and we’ve since sold the gym. I spend a little less time now working out and our ‘gym’ is in our garage as opposed to a warehouse. But the same desire to be fit has come creeping back in.
After waiting the requisite 6 weeks post baby, I started back in the gym – slowly, surely, and with a lot of help from Zach. But it’s starting to come back. And I love it. My confidence in myself is improving and my joy for exercise is starting to return. It doesn’t mean that I don’t love who I am now. The body I have is mine and I’m more than proud of what it can do. But, I can’t wait to get my pre-baby body back. And that’s okay.